Carrie Lowrance

Jun 16, 2024 by Carrie Lowrance

Merrick held back his tears as he stood there rubbing his cheek, the sting prevalent.

“I’m sick of your excuses, Merrick.” she said, raising her hand and slapping him across the face. “Now. Get in there and act like a part of this family until the last person goes home. Make me look good for once.” Dumbfounded, he watched her walk away. He and his mom had verbal fights in the past, but she had never laid a hand on him before. Shaking off the shock, he scrambled to catch up with her as she headed back into the event. She was being honored for mayor of the year. This was the last straw. He knew he had to get away, and fast. 

Merrick had been a disappointment to his mom since the day he was born. Heck, maybe even in the womb. As the mayor of Lilac Parish, everything he and his siblings did reflected on her. She was a narcissist and held them all to very high standards. 

As a young teenager, Merrick bucked the system as much as he could. He rebelled and didn’t give a care how it reflected on his mom. They diagnosed him with bipolar in his early adulthood, which drove his mom to criticize him even more. In high school, he barely passed his classes and was lucky to have a few friends. Having ADD and anxiety on top of his diagnoses didn’t help either. 

Later that night, a knock sounded on his door and he looked up. A second later, his sister Matraca came in and sat down. Even though she was two years older, they had always been close, despite her perfectionist ways. She was the only one in the family who had a soft spot for him and all his issues. It was because he was the youngest and the fact that she took care of him all his life. She would fix his breakfast, show up to band events, and walk home with him from school so the bullies wouldn’t harass him.

“Hey, you okay? She was awful. Merrick, I’m so sorry.” She whispered.

“It’s okay. I’m used to it by now.”

“Did you want to tell me anything about your day?”

“Nah, I’m good. Thanks for checking in on me.”

“Anytime.” she smiled, getting up and walking out the door.

Merrick sighed and turned around, jiggling the mouse to turn on the computer screen. He typed in the Narcissist Survivors Society and then logged in. Although he went to therapy twice a week and took his medications regularly, but he felt like he needed an extra layer of support. Talking to people who either were in or are in the same situation was helpful. Those living with the abuse of narcissism and surviving it. With a deep breath, he put his fingers on the keys and started typing his first post.

Hollyn Steele joined the narcissist support group as a “support buddy, ” which meant she was to connect with someone in the group on a genuine level and talk to them and help them daily. Before being adopted, she came from a toxic family situation. Her biological father was a narcissist, so she could relate to and empathize with the people in the group. She was scrolling when a post caught her attention. It read;

Merrick Taylor: I’m trying to be more optimistic, but it’s so hard. Someone ingrained pessimism in me, and it’s hard to get past it. I want to be more positive, I do. It just seems impossible. 

Hollyn paused and took a breath. Something about his post drew her in. It made her wonder what happened or what someone said to him for him to have such a negative disposition. It was almost as though she could emotionally feel the pain and sorrow in his words, and she could tell he needed someone to talk to. She clicked on the message box and started typing.

Merrick, I saw your post, and it caught my attention. Did something happen or did someone say something to you to make you so pessimistic? Not trying to pry, just wondering. I hope I haven’t offended you by asking.-Hollyn.

She sat for a second and read her message, then pushed “send”. He wasn’t online, nor did she know if he would see it soon, but it was worth a shot. With that, she shut down her computer and went to bed. 

Merrick woke up the next morning and found Hollyn’s message in his inbox. He sat for a few long moments. He wasn’t sure how to answer. His psyche was complicated, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to divulge that to a stranger. He took a deep breath and started typing.

Hollyn,

You didn’t offend me at all. My mom is a narcissist, which is where my self-confidence issues and pessimism stem from. She only cares about me and my siblings as an extension of herself. If we look good to society, it reflects on her. 

All my siblings are people pleasers and have succeeded in life. Ben is a financial adviser. Braelynn has a boutique in town. Matraca is the manager of the high-end restaurant. They are the apples of my mom’s eye. 

Me? I’m just a disappointment and an afterthought. They diagnosed me as bipolar. I barely graduated high school and had no friends. I did, however, get noticed for my writing. My teachers have always said I have a great imagination. But as usual, anything my siblings wanted to do was fantastic, and they looked down upon everything I wanted to do.

So now I’m trying to figure out what’s next. I’m still living at home because I can’t hold a traditional job. My depression is a big catalyst in that. I want to write again. I think I will try to do so for an hour a day this week. That’s all I have for now.-Merrick.

Hollyn took a break from what she was working on and logged into the group. Her heart broke when she read Merrick’s message. Although she couldn’t relate to everything he had going on, she related to the damage caused by his mom. She responded with empathy and told the story of how her life changed after being adopted by the Steele’s. Then she sent it and went back to work.

Later on that night, she got another message from him.

Hollyn,

Wow, that is a great story. You are so lucky to have a new family that loves you and supports you. I can’t imagine what that is like. I just know that I will never have that in my lifetime. Still, you contacted me because of a post, so that tells me you care at least. 

Okay, enough doom and gloom. Let’s get to know each other a bit. What do you do for a living? Do you have any hobbies or talents? What is your favorite food? Talk soon.-Merrick.

Hollyn logged into the group again and read Merrick’s message. She put her fingers to her keyboard and started typing.

Merrick,

I’m an author, coach and course creator that helps beginning authors publish and launch their books. My hobbies are cooking, baking, and reading. My favorite food is Italian and I love anything chocolate. You?-Hollyn.

 Merrick saw Hollyn’s message when it came through.

Hollyn,

I’m unemployed. It’s hard for me to keep a traditional job because of my depressive episodes. My main hobbies are drawing, writing, and cooking from time to time. Mexican food is a favorite. Currently, I’m living at home, which is difficult for me with my family. I hate it here. However, talking with you helps. You are a bright spot in my day.-Merrick.

She never would have dreamed that would be the last time she heard from him.

Late that night, Merrick researched halfway houses in California. He figured it would be a great place to go. Sun. Sand. Warm temps. And best of all? Far, far away from his family. He found one called Shepherd’s Stone in Caliente, California. Caliente was a small city about an hour from Los Angeles. Not too big, not too small. Perfect. Next, he booked a one-way trip by train, leaving at noon the next day. 

Once he made his plan, he rounded up his backpack and started packing. He packed two changes of clothes, a jacket, and two books. Then he went downstairs and got some snacks and four bottles of water to add. Merrick dug in his drawer for the envelope where he kept the cash he got from his disability checks every month. He put sixty dollars in the side pocket of his backpack for easy access and shoved the envelope to the bottom underneath everything else. Satisfied that he had his plan solidified, he laid down to get some sleep. A few hours later, he got up and left his house. He was cutting ties for good this time. 

Under the guise of darkness, he walked towards Main Street. Once there, he laid down on the ground in the alley between the post office and the coffee shop and fell asleep. He woke a few hours later to a dawn painted with pinks, purples, and yellows. The street was still quiet, but the coffee shop was open. He ducked in and got a cinnamon roll and a cup of coffee and then returned to his post. 

At eleven o’clock that morning, he climbed in a ride share and headed to La Rouge to catch the train. A half hour later, he breathed a sigh of relief as the wheels started moving down the track and moving him farther and farther away from his family. His stomach tightened as pangs of anxiety zipped through him, but he knew anything was better than this.

It was pouring down rain in LeClaire, California, when the train pulled into the station. Merrick let out a heavy sigh and climbed down onto the platform. Walking across the parking lot, he saw the signs for Caliente and started walking. By the time he reached the town, rain soaked to the bone. When he reached Shepherd’s Stone, they welcomed him with open arms and a hot meal. He felt like he was at home already.

Throughout the next three weeks, Hollyn checked her messages from Merrick several times. Nothing. She checked again each weekend. Still nothing. He was gone as if he had disappeared into thin air. At that moment, the playlist on her computer started playing Ordinary World by Red. Sliding down the wall, she sat on the floor and cried. That was how her world felt now. Ordinary. As she was trying not to panic, she felt a stirring in her soul to pray for him. And pray she did.

Hollyn was finishing her last project on Wednesday afternoon when her phone rang. She swiped the screen and answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey sis,” her brother Grantland said.

“Hey, how are you? Are you guys back from Nashville already?”

“Yeah, we just got back this afternoon. The new album is coming along nice.”

“That’s awesome. I’m so proud of you. How is McRae?”

“She’s good. Keeping me on my diet for sure. I’ve lost another five pounds. Hey, I wanted to know if you wanted to come over for lunch tomorrow.”

“I’d love to. I’ve missed you and it will be good to… catch up.” Hollyn said.

“Sis, you okay? You sound like something’s bothering you.” Hollyn let out a gigantic sigh.

“Yeah, there is. But I’ll go into it tomorrow. I have a situation I’m not sure how to deal with.”

“What kind of situation? Are you in trouble?”

“No, nothing like that.”

“Okay, well, we can talk about it tomorrow. Is noon good for you?”

“Hang on, let me check my calendar…. yeah, that works. I’m getting together with a client at nine, but we’ll finish way before noon. Sounds good.”

“Perfect. And how is my favorite fur ball?”

“He’s good. We’re getting the diabetes under control and the high blood pressure. The vet says his lungs and heart sound good. We just have to balance all his other issues.” she replied, referring to her fifteen-year-old cat, Colin. Colin was a one-eyed, ginger fluff ball and her pride and joy. He was her child.

“Good. I’m glad to hear it. I like that little guy. We can’t have cats ’cause McRae is allergic, so I’ll have to stop by one of these days for a Colin fix,” Grant replied.

“Sounds good. He’ll be glad to see you. I gotta run. See you tomorrow.”

“Sounds good, Hollyn.”

“Bye, Grantland.” she replied.

The next morning, Hollyn woke up to Colin’s consistent meowing. It was five o’clock and time for his breakfast and his shot. She got out of bed and padded downstairs to the kitchen to take care of him.

Then she jumped in the shower and got dressed. After a quick breakfast, she hopped on her computer to tackle her day. Hollyn was an author, course creator, and coach. She would start her day working on her most recent project and then transition to coaching and helping other beginning authors. 

This morning was no different. Nine o’clock rolled around in a flash and she jumped on a call with a new client. They had a great intro call, discussing the gals’ dreams and goals and making a plan to bring her book to fruition. Once they finished, she made notes and then sent her client an email with the highlights from their conversation and next action steps.  

She glanced at the clock and saw that it was eleven o’clock already. Against her better judgement, she logged into the Narcissist Survivors Society site and looked to see if she had any new messages. Once again, nothing. Merrick wasn’t on either. She let out a sigh and logged out, sitting and staring for a minute.

What happened? What did she say or do to make him quit talking to her? Was he mad at her? A thousand questions swirled in her head, causing a tornado of anxiety. She lifted her head and felt an urging inside her to pray. She bowed her head once again.

“Dear Lord, please be with Merrick right now. Please bring him peace and comfort amidst whatever is going on. Give him clarity and peace of mind and send your angels to surround him everywhere he goes. I pray for you to help me get the clarity I need why he isn’t talking to me anymore. All I ever wanted was to be a good friend to him, to build up what they have torn down, and to help him see the best in himself. In your name, I pray. Amen.”

Once she was done, she got up and headed downstairs. Colin was lying on the couch and promptly jumped off and went running to his dish at the sound of her footsteps. She scooped him up in her arms and kissed his cheek.

“I’m going over to Uncle Grantland’s for lunch. I will see you later.” she said, putting him down. Then she picked up her purse and headed out the door.

Ten minutes later, she was knocking on Grantland’s door. He answered it and let her in.

“Hey Hollyn,” 

“Hey. It smells delicious in here.” she said, setting her purse on the couch and following him to the kitchen.

“Not my doing, I assure you. McRae made basil tomato soup with chewy rolls and salad for us. She even made homemade brownies for dessert. Dang, I love that woman.” he grinned, grabbing two bowls out of the cupboard and dishing up the soup. He also made plates of salad and filled a basket with rolls and brought it to the table. Once settled, they said grace and started eating.

“Oh my gosh, this soup is so good. And the rolls are to die for. Please give my compliments to McRae.” Hollyn raved.

“I will. Now, it sounded like something was bothering you. What is going on?” he asked, getting right to the point. Hollyn sighed.

“Okay. Well, where do I start? I joined a group for survivors of narcissism a few months ago. I joined as a ,”support buddy” and my job is to connect with another member and try to help them daily.”

“That’s good. You still struggle with that sometimes, don’t you?”

“Yeah, sort of. Sometimes stuff will come back to haunt me if I’m having a rough day. But overall I’ve let it go and gotten over it. Anyway, I met someone.”

“Oh?” Grantland replied, chewing on a roll. “One post caught my attention in particular. This guy was talking about wanting to be more optimistic, but they ingrained pessimism in him and it was so hard. Grantland, I swear I could feel the pain and sorrow in his words. So, I messaged him. I found out that his mom is a narcissist and that he has many issues on top of it.”

“Oh, wow,”

“We continued to talk, and we had a lot in common. I liked him a lot. But then something happened three weeks ago. Suddenly, he won’t answer my messages, nor has he been online in the group. It’s like he’s disappeared. I’m worried about him, Grantland.”

“That’s understandable. Maybe he’s just busy or has other things going on.”

“I don’t think so. Something is wrong. Two nights ago, I felt the Lord nudging me to pray for him and I have been ever since. He is on my mind constantly. Still no messages today.”

“What other issues does he have going on?”

“They diagnosed him bipolar and has ADD and anxiety on top of it. He’s had no parenting. His mom has ignored him his whole life. Other than at least providing for his basic needs, except support and affection. His whole situation is a toxic mess.”

“Oh wow, poor guy. I’m sorry, Hollyn. All I can tell you is to continue to pray for him like the Lord has nudged you to do. McRae and I will be glad to stand with you and pray for him, too. This is one of the hardest parts of being a Christian, giving the hard stuff over to God. But we have to do it and trust him because he knows best.” Grantland said, reaching over and squeezing her hand in sympathy.

“Thank you, Grantland. I appreciate that.”

“You ready for brownies?”

“Heavens yes. Chocolate cures anything.” she smiled. He got up and then cut a piece into two enormous squares and then returned to the table. They continued talking, and a little while later, Hollyn left. Although she was still worried about Merrick, she felt much better. Grantland was the best big brother in the world.

Merrick was settling in at Shepherd’s Stone. The owners, Oliver and Melissa Slade, welcomed him with open arms. He had his own room, which was nice, and everyone who welcomed him was friendly. 

They gave him a pamphlet about the house rules. Everyone had to pitch in and there was a chore chart in the kitchen to refer to. Dinner was at six o’clock every night, and if he would not be there, he needed to call. Curfew was at nine o’clock. No drugs, alcohol, or “romantic” relationships allowed in the house. Visitors needed to be screened and signed in and out.

Merrick knew either a depressive or manic episode would hit, and he wondered how the rest of the people in the house would react. Although his medications were recently readjusted, he still had episodes from time to time. He wasn’t ready to disclose this to anyone, but he knew he would have to soon. For now, he would just get used to the ebb and flow of the daily house routine. 

Merrick befriended his neighbor across the hall, Greyson Campbell. He was a quiet soul with a passion for music, art, and Marvel super heroes. Greyson also came from a toxic situation where his parents were never around. His mom was a prostitute and his dad was an alcoholic. He also befriended Season Campbell, a very timid girl across the hall. She, too, loved books and music, so they hit it off well.

He also found a friend in Jeff, a new resident of the house. Jeff had just come to town and, like the rest of them, needed a place to stay rent free to get on his feet. He said he didn’t have any kind of toxic background, he just needed a fresh start. Merrick could understand that. Jeff was also creative and liked to draw, so they connected on an artistic level.

Merrick spent much of his time at the library, just as he did at home. He would often check out a pile of books and spend his days reading. Sometimes he would go out and socialize in the common room once in a while, but he kept to himself if he wasn’t hanging out with Greyson or Jeff. Merrick started writing again and started applying for some online writing jobs to make a little money.

The house was pretty quiet during the day, as everyone had jobs to go to. Oliver and Melissa were around all the time, which worked for him. Their son, Jeremy, was in college and was also gone during the day. Merrick wasn’t sure what to make of him. Jeremy was friendly enough, but he sensed a malicious undertone. He could tell that Jeremy thought he was pretty tough with his cocky smile and his James Dean good looks. Overall, though, the house was magnificent, and he enjoyed living there, mostly.

Six Months Later…

Merrick had just come home from the library and put his books in his room before going to join everyone for dinner. People were gathering around the table and he sat next to Greyson. As usual, everyone talked about their day and if there was anything new at the house, Oliver and Melissa let them know. 

Afterwards, as always, everyone did their chores and then settled in for the night. Although it seemed kind of childish to have a chore chart, it was only fair, as none of them paid to live there. The whole point of the house was to give them a stepping stone until they could all move out and be on their own.  

Everyone was doing their thing when they heard a commotion in the kitchen.

“Season! You haven’t done your chores for the past week! What the heck is going on?!” Oliver yelled. Merrick’s gaze traveled from Oliver’s reddened face to Season; she was a friendly but timid girl who’d been here a few months longer than he had. Even though they had become casual friends, he hung out with Greyson and Jeff more.

“I’m sorry, Oliver. It’s been kind of hard working and going to school full time. I’ll catch up on them this weekend, I promise,” she said. Within seconds, Oliver had grabbed her by her arms forcefully and was in her face. A look of utter terror was in her eyes.

“Do you think you can shirk your responsibilities and still live here?! This is not a charity case, Season! You better not do it again or you are out of here!” he raged, raising his hand and slapping her across the face so hard her glasses fell off. Then he shoved her across the room. She stumbled backward and landed against the kitchen wall, slumping to the floor. The house went silent as everyone processed what had just happened. 

“What are ya’ll standing around for?! Get back to work!” Oliver screamed before storming out the front door.

“I showed you how to clean your room and you still can’t do it right. Do you think you don’t have to do your chores? You are more than a failure, Merrick. You are a piece of crap!” his mom yelled at him when he once again failed to meet her expectations. Merrick shook his head, snapping himself out of the memory and shoving his mom’s words away.

Minutes later, they heard the blare of sirens and soon the cops were at their door. The police came in and talked to Season. Her glasses were broken. She had a red mark on her cheek where Oliver had slapped her and dark purple marks on her arms from him grabbing her so forcefully. They took her statement and arrested Oliver. After they left, everyone did their chores, walking on eggshells. They all retired early that night.

The next morning there was a note in the kitchen that they had set breakfast up in the back entertainment room for a meeting about the previous night. The entertainment room was a vast room with two couches, a huge big screen television, and a pool table. They would often gather here for movie night because you could shut the door and not disturb anyone.

Merrick walked in and sat down with Greyson and Jeff. The rest trickled in and soon everyone in the house was there. A table was set up with a coffee maker, donuts, and pastries. Soon after, Jeremy walked in.

“Good morning, folks. This is now a hostage situation! I’m holding you all hostage until they release my dad and drop all charges. I don’t want to hear a peep out of you and if you have to go to the bathroom, myself or my mom will escort you!” he yelled.

A gasp rang throughout the room as Jeremy reached behind him and pulled a handgun from the waistband of his pants.

“Now, I have no problems picking any of you off if you give me any trouble,” he growled, holding up a handgun. “Also, if they don’t release my father in twelve hours, this house will blow up. Now, I’m bringing a basket around and I expect you to give me all your devices-cell phones, tablets, all of it. No one is contacting the outside and we will see if you all live or not.’”

Copyright 2023 Carrie Lowrance

Prev Next